Accepting The End of Life

If there is nothing else that every human has in common with each other, we are all identical in that we all breathe our first breath, we all live, and we all die.  The differences exist in the way we do it and for how long we spend in each phase.  We have seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, and decades for each stage; some will have more time than others and that's okay.  Timing of death can many times be very difficult to understand but we still must accept it.

"Too long we have orphaned outselves from nature and regarded death as an intruder rather than an experience vital to our total expression." - Ingrid Van Mater

We cannot fully realize and appreciate the beauty of life if we do not embrace it in its entirety with that entirety including sickness and death.  The acceptance of each piece of life as it comes in its own time prepares us for the end of life in its own time as death. 

"It is when we accept what comes to us rather than try to escape it, we fulfill our destiny, making inner conquests and unconsciously helping others."  Ingrid Van Mater

How unfortunate for the soul that is in the process of leaving the body when a loved one holds on to it, convincing the soul (often subconsciously) that it is bad or unnatural to leave; that a disservice is being done to those still living by the leaving of the soul in its own time rather than a time that may be more convenient or comfortable for the living rather than for the dying.  How awful for the dying individual to feel as though he or she is causing such incredible pain and misery as they complete their phase of death?  What a terrible way to spend our last moments of life.

I believe that the most difficult part of death for the dying individual, whether a young child or old and decrepit, is the lack of acceptance by said individual and or his or her loved ones.  The most traumatic processes of death that I have seen are those when the patient or the family is unable to accept that death is inevitable but believe instead that death is bad; that death is abnormal.  The role that a family and caregivers play in birth as we prepare and assist the life to begin with love, joy, and peace is very similar to the role that is to be played in death as we prepare and assist the life to end.  We must help them to pass through this last phase with love, peace, happiness, sadness (but not hopelessness), memories, and the acceptance of death as a natural and normal part of every life.  Rather than convincing them that they should not or will not die, we should be doing everything we can to help them accept that death is inevitable and will come in its own time.  We must make them comfortable and bring peace, rather than stress, anguish, or hopelessness.

"I’ve never understood pity and self-pity as an emotion. We have a finite amount of time. Whether short or long, it doesn’t matter. Life is to be lived." - Randy Pausch "The Last Lecture"