My Christmas Wish

I went to the gas station after work tonight to fill up my tank...$40 had gone missing from my wallet at some point while I was at work.
The pump was running slowly.  I sat for 10 minutes waiting for my tank to fill. I was so angry that someone took my money.  Just as the pump was finishing, I saw an ambulance pull into the gas station; they were coming for a young man (late teens, early 20s) whom I had seen sitting propped up against the building just on the other side of my car.  I sat there for 10 minutes pumping gas and didn't take the time to notice that he wasn't okay.  I was too busy thinking about the $40.
As I drove home I thought more about the money and why it was taken.
I thought about the young man and how he ended up alone at a gas station with nothing but his skateboard, in need of medical attention.
I thought about a young woman fighting to just stay alive until Christmas.
I thought about her young children.
I thought about other families who are experiencing their first Christmas season without their loved ones.
I thought about those who are so many hundreds of miles away from their families and are spending Christmas alone for the first time.
I thought about life.  I thought about death.  I thought about health.  I thought about family.  I thought about love.
I thought about who took my money and that maybe he or she really needed it for food or for small Christmas gifts for their family.
I thought about how blessed I am to have exactly what I have today.
I realized that when I am consciously aware of and grateful for what I do have that it's hard to miss what I don't have. 
My Christmas wish this year is that we will put aside our differences and treat one another with more respect, compassion, understanding, acceptance, love, kindness, patience, attention, and honor; that we will look beyond our wants and see the needs and the hurts of others and offer whatever it is that we have, even if just a smile or a hug.

May your year be filled with blessings and may you pass along the blessings to those who cross your path!

Mom -

In everything that you do, you teach us not just to be patient but to really consider others, to see, and to understand the experience as we wait; not just to study but to remember and apply; not just to work hard, but to know that what we're working for really matters; not to seek out the downfalls or the way in which others do not serve or entertain us, but rather to seek out their strengths and do everything that we can to encourage, love, help, and be there for them, especially in the most difficult of times; not to worry about what we are missing out on but rather to put aside our natural selfishness and find out what is missing or broken in the lives of others; and to never allow ourselves to be dragged down by those who attempt to make us feel inferior.

"Unfriend"

"Make new friends but keep the old.  One is silver and one is gold."

I have never before found myself in a situation where I needed to consider breaking off a friendship with a friend; let alone such a close friend.  I have always had an interest only in repairing damaged relationships and doing my best to mend the frayed edges.

However, when one is convinced that my best attempts (considering current circumstances) aren't enough for our friendship, what is left for me to say or do?  Am I expected to stand by and continue to defend myself against false accusations which are based on one's seemingly twisted perception of reality?  Continue to make plans knowing that she will either show up late or not show up at all?

• I don't receive any respect in return for the respect that I give.  Showing up late with no apologies or concern for my time, frequently canceling on plans or being very noncommital ("maybe I'll stop by" or "maybe; we'll see") even after confirming "definite" plans.  GAG!  Who wants to try to make plans with someone like that?  Someone who is more interested in what they can get out of an outing rather than what both or all parties get out of the experience.  Someone who seems to have no respect for the time, tight scheduling, or interests of other people.
• She appears to be self-absorbed, shows little interest in my life, and is constantly creating or being surrounded by drama that just wears me down and leaves me feeling exhausted when I'm done hearing all about it.
• When we do go out, I always feel as though she is never really focused on our conversations or what we're doing, but rather more focused what people around us might be thinking about her looks, what she is saying, or what she is doing.
• My honest opinions/advice are usually very quickly disregarded while I am expected to be all ears for this friend's opinions/advice because this friend is "always right."
• I am always having to justify my actions or lack of actions.  When perceived misdemeanors are accusingly brought to my attention, my explanations for the falsely accused wrongs never seem to be good enough to quell her mistrust. 
• I seldom feel comfortable expressing my opinions with her because my opinions are usually never taken seriously or acknowledged, unless such opinions make her feel good about herself.
• She blames me for not making enough time for her even when I have multiple commitments involving family and work.

The value that our friendship has to me does not change regardless of how many weeks we may go without having a chance to see each other or how many important life details we have to catch each other up on after those few weeks of separation; I understand and respect her schedule as well as my own; I expect to be able to pick up where we left off and have no judgements placed on each other's choice of scheduling.  But it seems to be that the value she places on the friendship fluctuates readily in the face of any doubtful thoughts that cross her mind.

My automatic response would be to salvage the friendship and soothe any hurt feelings on her end that are due to many misconceptions that she has.  But I'm questioning whether the respect, interest, consideration, patience, and understanding are going to continue to just be one-sided?

Accepting The End of Life

If there is nothing else that every human has in common with each other, we are all identical in that we all breathe our first breath, we all live, and we all die.  The differences exist in the way we do it and for how long we spend in each phase.  We have seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, and decades for each stage; some will have more time than others and that's okay.  Timing of death can many times be very difficult to understand but we still must accept it.

"Too long we have orphaned outselves from nature and regarded death as an intruder rather than an experience vital to our total expression." - Ingrid Van Mater

We cannot fully realize and appreciate the beauty of life if we do not embrace it in its entirety with that entirety including sickness and death.  The acceptance of each piece of life as it comes in its own time prepares us for the end of life in its own time as death. 

"It is when we accept what comes to us rather than try to escape it, we fulfill our destiny, making inner conquests and unconsciously helping others."  Ingrid Van Mater

How unfortunate for the soul that is in the process of leaving the body when a loved one holds on to it, convincing the soul (often subconsciously) that it is bad or unnatural to leave; that a disservice is being done to those still living by the leaving of the soul in its own time rather than a time that may be more convenient or comfortable for the living rather than for the dying.  How awful for the dying individual to feel as though he or she is causing such incredible pain and misery as they complete their phase of death?  What a terrible way to spend our last moments of life.

I believe that the most difficult part of death for the dying individual, whether a young child or old and decrepit, is the lack of acceptance by said individual and or his or her loved ones.  The most traumatic processes of death that I have seen are those when the patient or the family is unable to accept that death is inevitable but believe instead that death is bad; that death is abnormal.  The role that a family and caregivers play in birth as we prepare and assist the life to begin with love, joy, and peace is very similar to the role that is to be played in death as we prepare and assist the life to end.  We must help them to pass through this last phase with love, peace, happiness, sadness (but not hopelessness), memories, and the acceptance of death as a natural and normal part of every life.  Rather than convincing them that they should not or will not die, we should be doing everything we can to help them accept that death is inevitable and will come in its own time.  We must make them comfortable and bring peace, rather than stress, anguish, or hopelessness.

"I’ve never understood pity and self-pity as an emotion. We have a finite amount of time. Whether short or long, it doesn’t matter. Life is to be lived." - Randy Pausch "The Last Lecture"

"...far more than rubies..."

We will never find a more noble, pure, hardworking, beautiful, diligent, honest, inspiring, touching, loyal, patient, self-less, honest, wise, influential, understanding, encouraging, forgiving, faithful, loving woman than our mom.

Proverbs 31, Philippians 4:8, I Corinthians 4:4-8

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." -Abraham Lincoln

We all know that we live every day and sleep every night with "angels 'round about us" (because she's praying for us) and that we must "always be on our best behavior" (because we never know who is watching)

We know that we shouldn't do it, say it, or write it unless we want the whole world to know.
"Be nice to your sister" and "take your brother with you."

Love you, mom!  Have a great Saturday!!

Burning Candles

"My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--
It gives a lovely light!" -Edna St. Vincent Millay

I used to believe that unless I was doing something to keep me busy every minute of every day, I wasn't doing enough.  I have always wanted to live every day from the moment the sun peeks over the horizon until I can't keep my eyes open any longer, I was just living in such a way that was so productive that I was missing out on the most important pieces of life.  I was worn out, burned out, and never available to just sit, talk, and listen.

I'm not quite sure when it was that I started realizing that people are so much more important than squeezing in an extra hour at the gym or an extra mile into my run; that friends, family, relaxation, and love are more important than getting an A on a test; that it's okay to say "no" when asked to do enormous projects; and it's okay that the projects I do take on aren't full-on amazing, incredible, or perfect.  "Good enough" is never flawless but then again, what is?

I still try to live every day from the time the sun peeks over the horizon until I can't keep my eyes open any longer but I'm better if I sleep in on occasion, make a few mistakes, and miss a deadline or two every now and then.  I love being able to focus on the most important things in my life: living, breathing, serving, and spending every moment that I can with my friends and my family <3

Say What?!

Words only function as a means of calling up ideas and concepts gained through previous experience.

Consider what you say and to whom you say it. You may need to tailor your words and the way that you use them in order to communicate your intentions/thoughts/feelings/beliefs in such a way that will conjure up a previous experience of your hearer's which can be correctly associated with what you are trying to say. Or, you may need to create a whole new experience for your hearer(s) if they are unable to correctly apprehend your message.

• The omission of words and the inclusion of physical touch can sometimes be the best channel through which to convey a message.
• Be open to using different communication styles to ensure that your intended information is well received and correctly understood by your audience.
• Listen, watch, and learn before you speak. 
• Honest, open hearts and minds that hold the well-being of others in the highest regard are not often hurtful.
• Most miscommunications can be corrected with an honest apology and another attempt at communication.



Chakras

My boyfriend has been joking around about chakra points recently and so I started looking into it; I was surprised at what I found.  I'm not into the Hindu religion nor do I believe that these exit portals actually exist on our bodies but I love the way that these Hindu ideas help a person in becoming aware of their senses, needs, desires, and feelings which are addressed when learning about what supposed "open" or "closed" chakras allow or disallow.  Consider what is supposedly released from these chakra points...are you satisfied with the quality of these emissions in your life?  Find your healthy balance.  : )

I pulled the following brief descriptions of the chakra energy exit points from a website (http://under-the-bodhi-tree.com/the-chakra-system/).  These descriptions of the energy emitted from these points are VERY vague and you really can't appreciate the idea of chakras unless you do a little bit more research.  This is another really good chakra chart:  http://www.chakraenergy.com/chart.html

1. Sahasrara/The Crown Chakra: Located at the top of the head. The crown chakra is linked to understanding, cosmic consciousness, and ability to eventually achieve enlightenment.
2. Ajna/The Third Eye Chakra: Located at the middle of the forehead.  The third eye chakra is directly linked to an individual’s clairvoyance or psychic abilities and intuition.
3. Vishuddha/The Throat Chakra: Located at the throat. A person with a strong and balanced throat chakra will have good communication skills and creativity.
4. Anahata/The Heart Chakra: Located at the center of the chest, a person with a healthy heart chakra will have a strong ability to love his or herself as well as others.  It is also the center of hope and compassion.
5. Manipura/The Solar Plexus Chakra: Located at the solar plexus. This chakra is the center of  energy, vitality, desire, and power.
6. Svadisthana/The Sacral Chakra: Located just below the belly button. This chakra is the source of emotions,sexuality, and intimacy.
7. Muladhara/The Root Chakra: Located at the base of the spine. This is where your survival instinct comes from. It is also a source of security and grounding.