Mom -

In everything that you do, you teach us not just to be patient but to really consider others, to see, and to understand the experience as we wait; not just to study but to remember and apply; not just to work hard, but to know that what we're working for really matters; not to seek out the downfalls or the way in which others do not serve or entertain us, but rather to seek out their strengths and do everything that we can to encourage, love, help, and be there for them, especially in the most difficult of times; not to worry about what we are missing out on but rather to put aside our natural selfishness and find out what is missing or broken in the lives of others; and to never allow ourselves to be dragged down by those who attempt to make us feel inferior.

"Unfriend"

"Make new friends but keep the old.  One is silver and one is gold."

I have never before found myself in a situation where I needed to consider breaking off a friendship with a friend; let alone such a close friend.  I have always had an interest only in repairing damaged relationships and doing my best to mend the frayed edges.

However, when one is convinced that my best attempts (considering current circumstances) aren't enough for our friendship, what is left for me to say or do?  Am I expected to stand by and continue to defend myself against false accusations which are based on one's seemingly twisted perception of reality?  Continue to make plans knowing that she will either show up late or not show up at all?

• I don't receive any respect in return for the respect that I give.  Showing up late with no apologies or concern for my time, frequently canceling on plans or being very noncommital ("maybe I'll stop by" or "maybe; we'll see") even after confirming "definite" plans.  GAG!  Who wants to try to make plans with someone like that?  Someone who is more interested in what they can get out of an outing rather than what both or all parties get out of the experience.  Someone who seems to have no respect for the time, tight scheduling, or interests of other people.
• She appears to be self-absorbed, shows little interest in my life, and is constantly creating or being surrounded by drama that just wears me down and leaves me feeling exhausted when I'm done hearing all about it.
• When we do go out, I always feel as though she is never really focused on our conversations or what we're doing, but rather more focused what people around us might be thinking about her looks, what she is saying, or what she is doing.
• My honest opinions/advice are usually very quickly disregarded while I am expected to be all ears for this friend's opinions/advice because this friend is "always right."
• I am always having to justify my actions or lack of actions.  When perceived misdemeanors are accusingly brought to my attention, my explanations for the falsely accused wrongs never seem to be good enough to quell her mistrust. 
• I seldom feel comfortable expressing my opinions with her because my opinions are usually never taken seriously or acknowledged, unless such opinions make her feel good about herself.
• She blames me for not making enough time for her even when I have multiple commitments involving family and work.

The value that our friendship has to me does not change regardless of how many weeks we may go without having a chance to see each other or how many important life details we have to catch each other up on after those few weeks of separation; I understand and respect her schedule as well as my own; I expect to be able to pick up where we left off and have no judgements placed on each other's choice of scheduling.  But it seems to be that the value she places on the friendship fluctuates readily in the face of any doubtful thoughts that cross her mind.

My automatic response would be to salvage the friendship and soothe any hurt feelings on her end that are due to many misconceptions that she has.  But I'm questioning whether the respect, interest, consideration, patience, and understanding are going to continue to just be one-sided?

Accepting The End of Life

If there is nothing else that every human has in common with each other, we are all identical in that we all breathe our first breath, we all live, and we all die.  The differences exist in the way we do it and for how long we spend in each phase.  We have seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, and decades for each stage; some will have more time than others and that's okay.  Timing of death can many times be very difficult to understand but we still must accept it.

"Too long we have orphaned outselves from nature and regarded death as an intruder rather than an experience vital to our total expression." - Ingrid Van Mater

We cannot fully realize and appreciate the beauty of life if we do not embrace it in its entirety with that entirety including sickness and death.  The acceptance of each piece of life as it comes in its own time prepares us for the end of life in its own time as death. 

"It is when we accept what comes to us rather than try to escape it, we fulfill our destiny, making inner conquests and unconsciously helping others."  Ingrid Van Mater

How unfortunate for the soul that is in the process of leaving the body when a loved one holds on to it, convincing the soul (often subconsciously) that it is bad or unnatural to leave; that a disservice is being done to those still living by the leaving of the soul in its own time rather than a time that may be more convenient or comfortable for the living rather than for the dying.  How awful for the dying individual to feel as though he or she is causing such incredible pain and misery as they complete their phase of death?  What a terrible way to spend our last moments of life.

I believe that the most difficult part of death for the dying individual, whether a young child or old and decrepit, is the lack of acceptance by said individual and or his or her loved ones.  The most traumatic processes of death that I have seen are those when the patient or the family is unable to accept that death is inevitable but believe instead that death is bad; that death is abnormal.  The role that a family and caregivers play in birth as we prepare and assist the life to begin with love, joy, and peace is very similar to the role that is to be played in death as we prepare and assist the life to end.  We must help them to pass through this last phase with love, peace, happiness, sadness (but not hopelessness), memories, and the acceptance of death as a natural and normal part of every life.  Rather than convincing them that they should not or will not die, we should be doing everything we can to help them accept that death is inevitable and will come in its own time.  We must make them comfortable and bring peace, rather than stress, anguish, or hopelessness.

"I’ve never understood pity and self-pity as an emotion. We have a finite amount of time. Whether short or long, it doesn’t matter. Life is to be lived." - Randy Pausch "The Last Lecture"

"...far more than rubies..."

We will never find a more noble, pure, hardworking, beautiful, diligent, honest, inspiring, touching, loyal, patient, self-less, honest, wise, influential, understanding, encouraging, forgiving, faithful, loving woman than our mom.

Proverbs 31, Philippians 4:8, I Corinthians 4:4-8

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." -Abraham Lincoln

We all know that we live every day and sleep every night with "angels 'round about us" (because she's praying for us) and that we must "always be on our best behavior" (because we never know who is watching)

We know that we shouldn't do it, say it, or write it unless we want the whole world to know.
"Be nice to your sister" and "take your brother with you."

Love you, mom!  Have a great Saturday!!

Burning Candles

"My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--
It gives a lovely light!" -Edna St. Vincent Millay

I used to believe that unless I was doing something to keep me busy every minute of every day, I wasn't doing enough.  I have always wanted to live every day from the moment the sun peeks over the horizon until I can't keep my eyes open any longer, I was just living in such a way that was so productive that I was missing out on the most important pieces of life.  I was worn out, burned out, and never available to just sit, talk, and listen.

I'm not quite sure when it was that I started realizing that people are so much more important than squeezing in an extra hour at the gym or an extra mile into my run; that friends, family, relaxation, and love are more important than getting an A on a test; that it's okay to say "no" when asked to do enormous projects; and it's okay that the projects I do take on aren't full-on amazing, incredible, or perfect.  "Good enough" is never flawless but then again, what is?

I still try to live every day from the time the sun peeks over the horizon until I can't keep my eyes open any longer but I'm better if I sleep in on occasion, make a few mistakes, and miss a deadline or two every now and then.  I love being able to focus on the most important things in my life: living, breathing, serving, and spending every moment that I can with my friends and my family <3

Say What?!

Words only function as a means of calling up ideas and concepts gained through previous experience.

Consider what you say and to whom you say it. You may need to tailor your words and the way that you use them in order to communicate your intentions/thoughts/feelings/beliefs in such a way that will conjure up a previous experience of your hearer's which can be correctly associated with what you are trying to say. Or, you may need to create a whole new experience for your hearer(s) if they are unable to correctly apprehend your message.

• The omission of words and the inclusion of physical touch can sometimes be the best channel through which to convey a message.
• Be open to using different communication styles to ensure that your intended information is well received and correctly understood by your audience.
• Listen, watch, and learn before you speak. 
• Honest, open hearts and minds that hold the well-being of others in the highest regard are not often hurtful.
• Most miscommunications can be corrected with an honest apology and another attempt at communication.



Chakras

My boyfriend has been joking around about chakra points recently and so I started looking into it; I was surprised at what I found.  I'm not into the Hindu religion nor do I believe that these exit portals actually exist on our bodies but I love the way that these Hindu ideas help a person in becoming aware of their senses, needs, desires, and feelings which are addressed when learning about what supposed "open" or "closed" chakras allow or disallow.  Consider what is supposedly released from these chakra points...are you satisfied with the quality of these emissions in your life?  Find your healthy balance.  : )

I pulled the following brief descriptions of the chakra energy exit points from a website (http://under-the-bodhi-tree.com/the-chakra-system/).  These descriptions of the energy emitted from these points are VERY vague and you really can't appreciate the idea of chakras unless you do a little bit more research.  This is another really good chakra chart:  http://www.chakraenergy.com/chart.html

1. Sahasrara/The Crown Chakra: Located at the top of the head. The crown chakra is linked to understanding, cosmic consciousness, and ability to eventually achieve enlightenment.
2. Ajna/The Third Eye Chakra: Located at the middle of the forehead.  The third eye chakra is directly linked to an individual’s clairvoyance or psychic abilities and intuition.
3. Vishuddha/The Throat Chakra: Located at the throat. A person with a strong and balanced throat chakra will have good communication skills and creativity.
4. Anahata/The Heart Chakra: Located at the center of the chest, a person with a healthy heart chakra will have a strong ability to love his or herself as well as others.  It is also the center of hope and compassion.
5. Manipura/The Solar Plexus Chakra: Located at the solar plexus. This chakra is the center of  energy, vitality, desire, and power.
6. Svadisthana/The Sacral Chakra: Located just below the belly button. This chakra is the source of emotions,sexuality, and intimacy.
7. Muladhara/The Root Chakra: Located at the base of the spine. This is where your survival instinct comes from. It is also a source of security and grounding.

2010

Twenty-Ten =

• weddings galore!
• 21
• music concerts: something I never enjoyed until this year so I went ahead and enjoyed Lynyrd Skynyrd, .38 Special, DMB, Brooks & Dunn, Brad Paisley, Darius Rucker, and a few more
• cousins' reunion (in the charming town of Charleston, SC)
• MLB games
• blind dates, bad dates
• good dates :)
• Girls in Orlando
• volunteering (Habitat for Humanity)
• a real relationship (cha-check!)
• missions: I directed my first Youth Missions Encounter 2010 in Miami, Fl
• Finished nursing school: The END to my first step towards obtaining my doctorate of nursing practice (DNP)
• graduated with 2 degrees
• became a licensed RN :)
• Haiti
• continue to be an unemployed RN :(

I had resolved at the turn of 2010 to meet one and only one goal: try a real relationship.  Misson accomplished.  It was unfortunately short but I really liked it :)

In 2011, I resolve to:

1. Run a marathon
2. GET A JOB
3. Paddleboard

Haiti: Hope and Despair

I was asked a few weeks ago to travel to Haiti to provide childcare for full-time missionaries who were attending a conference/retreat.  It wasn't the ideal trip that I would like to take (as much as I enjoy hanging out with kids, I would much rather be getting dirty picking up trash, swinging a hammer, or playing with big power tools), but it at least got me into Haiti and allowed for me to see what some of the local Christian organizations are doing to with both short and long-term rebuilding, evangelical outreach, education, provision of healthcare, and economic development.

Before leaving for Haiti, I was absolutely shocked by the negative feedback I received from a few friends, family, and acquaintances in regards to my interest in being a part of persistent movement to help the nation of Haiti and its inhabitants. 
"Haiti is and has been a hopeless nation for as long as I can remember.  Nothing good has ever come out of Haiti and nothing ever will." 
"I think we should nuke the whole place and everyone in it.  Kill the people of Haiti and start all over again.  Every one of them.  They do nothing to contribute to the rest of humanity; the are a burden to this world."

You get the idea...I got the idea.  There is no hope for Haiti.  "Survival of the fittest...let AIDs kill them off."  In what I presume is your line of thought, it makes sense to pull any and all relief efforts out of Haiti based on their history of a seemingly never ending impoverished state of being. 

Please understand that I am not the same as you are.  My natural thoughts, ideas, and beliefs may differ from yours and, when I try to think the way that you do, I have to push aside all moral, emotional, and spiritual aspects of who I am.  But I do my best to understand your way of thinking.  I understand that perhaps your empathy is not directed towards the same situations as mine and you are able to turn a blind eye to a nation of starving peopl to set your focus on other things which you deem to be more worthwhile.

You may not see any substantial hope for the nation of Haiti; only the dirty physical disparities that lie between our comfortable, convenient lives and the lives of those of Haiti. 
I see the hope of Haiti in the eyes of every individual who pours themselves into being a part of seemingly insignificant advancements.  I have seen the hope of Haiti in bright eyes of some young orphans and I have also seen great despair in the dull and lifeless eyes of other orphans.  I have seen the hope of Haiti in young men and women who learn by verbal repetition in bare, filthy classrooms if they are fortunate enough to attend a school.  I see the hope of Haiti in these young men and women who fight against all odds to bring education, health, and tangible hope to their country.

I understand that I am not getting across to you my desired point of this blog.  I can't find words fitting enough to describe my frustration.  It seems so impossible to communicate what I have seen: great despair and even greater hope.

I love lamp...

"To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest." Gandhi

I came across this quote the other day and felt challenged to seriously consider what I absolutely believe in and whether or not I am living by these beliefs.  I believe that my beliefs are incomplete and imperfect...and that's okay  :)

I believe in God.  I believe in one God who is the Creator of Heaven and earth, everything included.  I believe in the perfect love of God and that we were created to reflect this perfect love throughout His creation.  I believe that we, as imperfect images of God, lack the ability to adequately reflect this perfect love but that our love for others should come as close to His example as humanly possible.

I believe in love.  I believe that love is a relative term that can be based on a number of thoughts/feelings/beliefs regarding both explainable and unexplainable affinities for a great number of things or persons. I believe that my love may very well not be the same as your love. I believe that the greatest feeling in our lifetime is the feeling of being loved in the way(s) that we want to be loved. I believe that the greatest piece of knowledge is in knowing that we both give and receive love in ways that make positive impressions in the lives of all involved.

I believe in honesty.  I believe in telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I believe in actions and words that will not need to be covered up by lies.

I believe in loyalty.  I believe in making a commitment based on solid facts and benevolence to humanity.  I believe in maintaining my commitments so that no one commitment will have a negative impact upon or take away from the others.  I believe in remaining faithful to my commitment(s) unless it comes to light and can be proven that said commitment(s) is/are not in alignment with my other beliefs.

I believe in passion.  I believe that passion is what drives the human race to continue in perseverance towards excellence.  I believe that without passion we have no reason to continue living.  I believe in finding those things that make me burn with passion and pursuing them to the end.

Know what you believe in.